Friday, January 17, 2014

2014

i wanna get my new year's resolutions written down:

1. read the Book of Mormon twice
2. run three 10k's
3. get into graduate school
4.  read 10 books
5.  travel somewhere i have never been

i'll stick to those five, though there could definitely be others.... i want 2014 to be the best year of my life. so far, it is off to a really amazing start. granted, picking up the pieces from 2013 can't all be done in one month. but i figured out what i want to do with my life.

the other day, i was frantically scrambling to get my application submitted to UW for fall semester. the deadline was approaching and i was sure i wasn't going to make it. meltdown! so i just stopped for a minute.
"what do you want?"
"i don't know..."
all of the sudden i was a drill sergeant
"WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF YOUR LIFE, PRIVATE?!"
"I WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT, SIR!" yelled through sobs
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" spit spattered private hillary's face
"I WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT, SIR!!"
"WHY?!" drill sergeant hillary was right in private hillary's face
"BECAUSE ARCHITECTURE IS MY PASSION, SIR!" private hillary started gaining her footing
"AND WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET THERE?!"a bead of sweat rolled down the sergeant's face
"well..."

and i went to my life planning mirror with my whiteboard marker. on the right hand side i wrote ARCHITECT. to the left of that i wrote "3 year degree- where?!" to the left of that i wrote "better GRE score, CAD training, better portfolio, letters of recommendation, $$$"

and there it was-- my flow chart of how to get from where i am now, to where i want to be.

and i FINALLY realized the one thing above everything was making me so frustrated. it was

1988

when i didn't get my application into UW for 2014, that meant that i wouldn't be able to start until 2015, which in turn meant that my graduation wouldn't be until 2018. i would be almost 30. why did i care so much about being 30 before i got my master's degree? why did that one little factor lead me to internal WWIII? what is my problem with aging???

i guess it comes down to something surprisingly upbeat. my life is awesome. yeah, it's had REALLLLLY crappy moments. yeah, i've done REALLLLY dumb stuff. but i am so happy to be me, to be where i am, to have the friends and family that i have. in the end, i am afraid of getting older because i am afraid of things not being as awesome as they are now! i regret a couple things, but i hope that they will help me be a good mother and teach my children to be better than i was.

so 1988 can stop haunting me because i choose to accept where i am. i choose to accept that i might be 29 or 30 before i get my master's degree. it's not a big deal! it only seems like it cuz i compare myself sometimes. you know, "ALL" my friends from high school are getting theirs and "ALL" my friends from byu are married and have 6 kids. WHO CARES?! i am me. my life is mine and it's fabulous.

today i am going: to salt lake 
today i woke up: after dreaming about a jacuzzi
today i ate: coco puffs and don't regret it at all
today i vacuumed: and admired the stripes in the carpet

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