what happens between the pre-mortal life and mortal life that makes us incapable of self control? i'm sure that i didnt crave coldstone every moment that there wasn't another type of food in my mouth (and some moments when there was something else in my mouth). i immagine that in heaven, i didnt have the constant nagging desire to text giulio, KNOWING that that would get annoying. i am so bothered by the fact that i can't just do exactly what i want and act exactly how i want. i have to be aware of other's feelings, my money, my body and i have to overcome my basic human instincts. i wish that i could eat a gallon of cake batter ice cream everyday with no consequence (to my health nor my wallet). i wish i could talk to giulio all day without racking up a ridiculous phone bill or dealing with people asking me "what's the point of talking to him?" or having him get tired of me (not that that would ever happen, i'm just afraid it would.)
i had a teacher say that the point (THE POINT) of this mortal existence is to learn to control our mortal brains. but that brings me backs to the original question: what happened to me 21 years ago that gave me these crazy ice cream cravings? why does it feel good to yell at someone when you fight but then you realize that you hurt them? why can't run around campus screaming "I HATE YOU ALL!! GO KISS YOUR HOT HUSBAND AND LEAVE ME IN MY LONLINESS!!!!" and why can't i just throw all this crap out the window (i don't need to write a five-page paper in italian to get to the celesht kingdom!) and live my life?
meh... guess i'm just tired of NOT stickin it to the man, like hillary does. it's been too long since i had a good rebellion. and i'm also sick of not having anyone to rebel with. i don't have any friends that like to do the same things as me anymore, and it doesn't seem like i'm gonna be finding any anytime soon. as vince would say: T_T