Sunday, July 19, 2009

everything i've ever wanted ever

once in eighth grade a hilarious friend of mine was telling me about his mom's new boyfriend. he was rich and had a huge house with a nintendo (or whatever game system we had back then) etc etc. his mom asked what he would think about them moving to the boyfriend's house. my friend said, "no. of course i dont want everything i've ever wanted. ever." it totally cracked me up! just the way he said it. everything i've ever wanted. ever.
to this day, i still use that phrase. i just think it's really funny. so as i've been living my wild life in alaska, i've been thinking about how i've pretty much gotten everything i've ever wanted ever. but as all my wants get fulfilled somehow new ones keep springing up like weeds.

with my personality, not getting everything i want is usually not an option. i went to the high school i wanted to, i go to the college i want to, i'm going to italy in a month. i mean, i follow my dreams. it's awesome.

but when it comes right down to it, not everything i want is what i should want. when i hit this wall i get frustrated. i want everything i've ever wanted ever! why can't i have it all? why do i have to choose the smart option over the instinctive one? the one that comes to my mind first? i talked to a ton of people about it like i do. no one really had the answer. then i finally figured it out as i was folding a toddler's shirt and realizing that i didn't feel too happy. that's why i can't have everything i've ever wanted ever. it doesn't make me happy! in fact giving into my instinct (as yellows are prone to do) often makes me really UNhappy. why is life like that? who knows. but i'm working on it.
in other news, today was a great day. i spent the night at a friend's house last night, then went on a tour with darrell all afternoon. we went to a huge totem park and eagle reserve. then we went to a bonfire with the young adults. it was all great :)
today i sang: a song that i never thought i would sing again: boom chicka boom
today i felt like: a really poor friend to someone who needs less of those
today i ate: a corndog for breakfast
today i was compared to: napolean dynamite. but i would catch a salmon, not a bass