Thursday, March 26, 2009

the very soul

and it came to pass when they heard this voice, and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of great tumultuous noise, but behold it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul. --helaman 5: 30 

i've never read a scripture that so perfectly described me. this is exactly what happened to me tuesday. i'm so excited for this summer, and i think it will help me lose weight better than dc would have. 
well i have basically lost any faith i had in men. ive been played so often that i just dont want to have anything to do with anyone, and guys continue to think its ok to play with my heart. its not. in marriage prep my professor was talking about how the husband should take out the garbage because he loves his wife, not because he is supposed to, and he should plan weekly dates, and always keep his wife at top priority, and other little things. i REALLY REALLY want to have a great family. that is seriously my number 1 goal in my whole life. i've seen so many families smashed to smithereens and i REFUSE  to let that happen to my family. but where in the world am i supposed to find a guy that i love, the loves me, that has a testimony, that is straight, that feels as strongly as i do about families and is willing to work as hard as i am? today i just dont think its possible. i've had so many shoddy experiences that i wish there was one guy who could refresh my hope in humanity. some day i will find him, but not today
if everything was created spiritually first, doesn't it make sense that i could create a reality in my head and then see it unfold in my life? petrarca seemed to think so. 

speaking of italians, i was very proud of myself that i could translate my italian computer for trevor (i set my whole computer and internet to read in italian ["ok" is really the only thing that translated] so instead of "history" on my web browser, it says "cronologia")

today i was amazed: that i know so little about my own computer
today i wondered: how many people are creeps who read my blog without admitting it
today for the first time in my life: i hopped over a chainlink fence
today i was thrilled: to not be a freshman

1 comment:

  1. I confess I read your blog and so I am not a creep. And I really LOVE your blog.